


Knight Vale

by beambayonet



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-24 11:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/939639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beambayonet/pseuds/beambayonet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil, you know, the town crier? He announces news and happenings in the sleepy English village of Knight Vale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knight Vale

**Author's Note:**

> There's a link for the weather, please click it!

Witches burn, the moon waxes and wanes, and similarly, we are all subject to the same cruelties and poor treatment as human beings stumbling through our short and brutal lives. Unless, of course, you’re not a serf.

Welcome… To Knight Vale.

In today’s news, lord Pamela Winchell decreed a five guinea tax on grain. This move was widely protested by the corn community, citing the tax as “corn discrimination”. Lord Pamela Winchell’s rebuttal was that she didn’t understand what discrimination is, and banished all corn and corn by-products to the dungeon beneath the castle for treason.

In other news, John Peters, you know, the farmer? He stated that the wheat crop was coming in just fine, and we should expect plenty of produce to populate our market and bakeries. He did seem somewhat haunted, however, and when asked about his life, he simply stared into the middle distance, muttering that the end is not here yet. “Not here, no, not yet,” he is quoted as saying to our intrepid apprentice Daniel.

 Oh, it seems we have a guest in the town square! Could it be…? Yes! It is the perfect, beautiful alchemist we all barely know and deeply love, Carlos. Well. I, as the town crier, can’t exactly greet him as I would off hours, but let’s see if he’s up for an interview!

…And he declined. That’s ok. He did, however, issue a warning that we should beware the town’s well tonight, and that we should perhaps drink mead or ale instead of water for the next few days.

An update on the imprisonment of corn and corn by-products:  the corn population has attempted at least two escapes from the castle dungeon. Both ended in horrific bloodshed of both the belligerent and frankly undesireable corn side, and the prison guards. Like, a lot of prison guards. So I’m not saying that we are _unsafe_ , Knight Vale, but… Be careful.

And now, a word from our patrons.

Walk into the sun. Just walk straight into the sun, dammit, and stay there like the scum filth you are. I don’t ever want to see your face in this town again, Cecil. You are a hack of a town crier and a godless heathen. Curse you, Cecil. A pox on you!

That was a message from Bryant’s Bakery.

This just in! There has been a dungeon breakout! Townspeople, hide your wives! Hide your children! Hide your valuables! Corn is on the loose and associating with, hiding, or eating corn will count as high treason, warns lord Pamela Winchell. I have seen at least three stalks of corn roaming the town square, listeners. I’m sure you have seen them too. Do not approach them! Do not harvest them for your family’s dinner table!

The head knight’s secret apprentices has rounded up most of the corn escapees, and are holding a corn cookout.

Lord Pamela Winchell has just issued an emergency town meeting, and she has declared all corn perfectly legal and free to go. She says this as she munches on an ear of boiled corn herself, to a town hall filled with people eating boiled corn, as I myself eat boiled corn as I speak. Lord Winchell has declared the town corn-safe.

And now, dear listeners… [The weather](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7goe9JYZJS8). 

The sun rises, the sun sets. The field workers do not know how. Carlos the alchemist does not know how. But it does so, every day, and every night. Such certainty is truly a blessing in our hectic, fast-pace, and ultimately short serf lives. Isn’t that beautiful? Isn’t that grand? To see something continue to work, without fail, to continue to just _be_. I hope we can all learn a lesson from the sun. As the sun continues to orbit us, so we must continue our lives! Be it rain or shine or corn dungeon breakout, we must continue to be and continue to rise and to set and to live, until the day that we cannot.

Good night, Knight Vale. Good night.


End file.
